UnNews:Ozzy Osbourne goes off the rails on a crazy train; dies
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
1 January 2007
Middle of Nowhere, USA-- Beloved musician and bat-eater Ozzy Osbourne died just recently in a tragic accident that totalled his private train, named Crazy Train, and killed him instantly, according to the Hulk, a witness who watched as the Crazy Train went off the rails early this morning.
"I've listened to preachers, and I've also listened to fools, but this was completely unexpected. I saw the train moving along in the distance and I approached it. I noticed that Ozzy was in it, so I waved at him and asked if he could bite the head off a bat for me. Then, just as he was reaching for his ice chest full of bats, he bumped into the conductor and he was going off the rails on his crazy train. It was so tragic. Yet I don't know who or what's to blame." , said Nobody on an account of the event.
Ozzy was a well-known musician and TV personality, who starred in the reality television show, Meet the Rhoads and his nature documentary series, The Bat Hunter. He was made famous as a musician in his first band, Black Sabbath for singing about a guy made out of iron, his mental condition, and swines who wage long, hard battles for great justice. He left the band after being replaced with Mr. T, and soon pursued a solo career. During his solo career, he made millions of dollars for writing songs about his accident-prone private train, werewolves, and plans to live in his mother's basement once more. However, he disappeared in the music world, until he was found hiding in his treehouse in 2001. For this case, MTV had him play the role of Randy Rhoads' drug-addict roommate in the reality show, Meet The Rhoads. This once again made him famous- until he was forgotten again in 2005. Since then, he has been traveling North America in the accident-prone train that he sang about and caused his fatality.
Ozzy died at the young, tender age of 123.
Long-time friend and co-pilot of Osbourne's private plane, Crazy Plane, Randy Rhoads, recently rose from the dead to comment on his death.
"Life's a bitter shame. The last time I saw him just a year ago, he was complaining about how his mental wounds weren't healing. Now he's dead. If there's anything that we have learned from this, it's that maybe it's not too late to learn how to love and forget how to hate." , said Rhoads.
Memorial services will be held whenever someone feels like paying for his electric funeral.
Sources[edit | edit source]
EmoKid69 "Mental Wounds Still Screaming ;_;" MySpace, January 1, 2007