UnNews:Oklahoma Declares Sovereignty: Nobody Cares

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

22 June 2008

An artist's conception of the new state of Oklahoma (in red) in relation to the new United States (in white). Check the Kingdom of Lesotho for how well this would work out.

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK - In a move that would have been shocking had South Carolina done it, Oklahoma declared sovereignty from the Federal Government on June 15. Governor Brad Henry claimed the move was an important step in Oklahoman independence.

“It's about time someone stood up to the feds and told them we're sick of all this shit.”

~ Gov. Brad Henry-D on Oklahoma independence

“We don't give a fuck let the mother fuckers burn.”

~ Congress on Oklahoma independence

“They were a state?”

~ A New Jersey geography teacher on Oklahoma independence

The move is regarded as an important step in the struggle for Oklahoma's oil fields. Analysts are not convinced. "If an important state, like say Texas, had made this move, more people would take notice," said UNN analyst Hugo Chavez through an interpreter. "As it is, people are just going on about their daily lives. I mean, what is Oklahoma going to do, take their troops out of the military? Fat chance! Like the great Satan himself is going to allow that!" Chavez then ordered the best wine in the restaurant, at our expense.

White House officials wouldn't stop laughing long enough for us to get our question in. Finally, one of them said, "Oh yeah, we're REAL scared of Oklahoma," and hung up. Sarcasm was detected.

The secession apparently comes because Oklahoma is sick of Texans migrating into Oklahoma "illegally." In December of last year, Oklahoma passed legislation barring Texans from entering Oklahoma unless given a work visa by the state department. "Illegal immigration" is a hot topic in Oklahoma these days.

Sources

• Lance "Oklahoma declares sovereignty" The Political Inquirer, June 15, 2008