UnNews:Obama forced to weigh in on Christie-Connie spat

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

7 February 2013

Governor Christie of New Jersey has reportedly grown increasingly sensitive about being teased over his weight.

Washington D.C., USA --

President Obama has ordered Governor Chris Christie of New Jersey and former White House physician Connie Mariano to have a time out after the two refused to play nice on television this week.

The problem began when Connie Mariano, a very well behaved girl who gets excellent grades, called Christie a "fatso" and added that "all the cool kids are always laughing at him."

When a very naughty CNN boy rushed to where Christie was playing and whispered in his ear what Connie had just said, Christie reportedly threw his toys to the floor and ran over to Mariano. Towering over the now terrified girl he yelled, "Oh yeah? Well, you're ugly! Go back to China you ugly little bitch! We all hate you!"

Connie Mariano is said to be a very good girl who eats all her veggies and reminds the teacher when she forgets to assign homework.

Mariano, who's family is actually from the Philipines, not China, began crying. Mrs. Obama had been in the kitchen watching Ophra and making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for the children when she heard the commotion.

Upon seeing a furious Christie standing over the much smaller Connie, Mrs. Obama rushed to her side and embraced the seemingly inconsolable little girl.

Mrs. Obama murmured, "It's okay, honey, I'm here now. Everything's fine..." as Connie stammered, "He...he...said, he said..." and then started wailing again.

"Tell Aunt Michelle what he said, don't worry," Mrs. Obama said soothingly.

The still crying Connie shouted, "He said I'm a b-word, and.. and...that... everybody hates me because I'm Chinese!" She then hugged Mrs. Obama tightly, wiping her tears on the front of the First Lady's new $15,000 Prada blouse.

Clutching Connie to her breast, Mrs. Obama whirled angrily upon Christie. "You should be ashamed of yourself!" she hissed, "You're a bully!"

Now trying to blink away his own tears, Christie reportedly yelled back, "But she called me a fatso!"

"Don't make excuses for saying such hateful things!" Mrs. Obama is said to have replied heatedly.

"I don't believe it! You're taking her side! You're always on her side!" Christie shouted, and threw a toy bus at the wall before storming out of the living room and out to the backyard.

Obama was also forced to intervene last year when Christie became angry with another girl, named Sandy.

Later, when Barack came home from work Mrs. Obama informed him of what had transpired. Mr. Obama summoned Christie and Connie and made them shake hands and apologize to one another as he stood between them.

The situation appeared to be resolved, but then the naughty CNN boy noticed that behind Obama's back Connie was pointing at Christie with a big smile on her face and mouthing the word "fatso".

The CNN boy caught Christie's eye and pointed to Connie. When Christie saw what she was doing he is reported to have shouted indignantly, "You're a bitch!"

Connie started crying again and Christie was immediately sent to his room without supper.

As of press time, it was unknown if Connie would be allowed to watch the Disney Channel after doing her homework.

Sources

• "New Jersey's Christie fires back at doctor over weight comments" Reuters, February 6, 2013