UnNews:Obama declares a new era of cooperation with China
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
27 July 2009
North America, USA, Washington DC
Barrack Obama discussed a new era of cooperation with China today. "The relationship between the United States and China will shape the 21st century, which makes it as important as any bilateral relationship in the world," Obama said. "That means we will be joining China to make Chimerica seeing as to how everything is already made in China and China owns a lot of US Debt. This is making good on my promises of hope and change." The crowd at the Ronald Reagan building gasped. Obama stated "There are some people in China that don't trust the USA, and then there are those in the USA that don't trust China, well I beg to differ and both nations need to become one in order to survive this economy. This is the beginning of keeping the promises we made during the campaign in order to bring the American people universal health care, and fix the economy as well."
The US Dollar will be replaced by the Chimese Dollar, and on the $20 bill Andrew Jackson will be replaced by Michael Jackson and on the $1 bill George Washington will be replaced by Chairman Mao Tse-Tung, other bills will have replacement portraits as well. The Chimese Dollar will be in red ink instead of green, but still be Fiat Debt based. The Chimese government will continue to bail out big companies in exchange for stock control, and basically every business will be owned by the government eventually. All of the old US Dollars will be worthless because of the $99 trillion debt the federal government has racked up and owed to the Chinese government. This is basically China buying out the USA because it defaulted on debt.
There will of course be side-effects, US English will be replaced with Chinese Mandarin of course, and US English will be kept until 2016 when everyone will be required to learn Chinese Mandarin or be considered to be illiterate. The minimum wage will be abolished so Chimerica can stay competitive with other nations and offer those $100 a month factory jobs, in order to fix the economy and provide for universal health care as well. The work week will change from minimum 40 hours a week to a minimum 80 hours a week including Saturday and Sunday. The US Constitution will be banned and replaced with the new Chimese Constitution and State and Local governments will be dismantled and replaced with the Chimese government and all political parties will be abolished except for the Democrat party renamed to the People's Republic of Chimerica Party.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Martin Crutsinger "Obama declares new era of cooperation with China" AP Yahoo, July 27, 2009
- Niall Ferguson "Not two countries, but one: Chimerica" UK telegraph, march 4, 2007