UnNews:Obama, Romney, burst into song on campaign; Soul Train founder shoots self in head
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
2 February 2012
Washington D.C, U.S.A -- President Barack Obama and presidential candidate Mitt Romney have surprised the public today by both singing songs from Soul Train in an effort to coerce voters. They seem to be actually having the opposite effect as a recent poll suggests. An estimated 90% of the 5% of people who wanted to vote for them have decided not to. Rumors say that drugs and alcohol may be involved in these singing incidents. Others suspect that both Romney and Obama are having a gay affair. In any case, both put up a great show of singing Soul Train music with terrible voices, a failure that no decent politician should ever do.
Halfway through The Sound of Philadelphia, shots rang out and Obama was thrown off the stage and into his limousine. He is suffering from minor cuts and bruises from being thrown and was given a band-aid. The White House says that heis expected to make a full recovery, sadly. The source of the shots comes from Soul Train founder Don Cornelius who tried to shoot the speakers because of Obama's terrible singing and then turned the gun on himself to escape the inhumane torture. We would have interviewed Obama on his thoughts, but the UnNews reporter in charge of that was standing next to one of the speakers and was shot by Don Cornelius.
Meanwhile, Mitt Romney took a smarter approach by lip syncing. People eventually figured it out when they heard a guitar solo and no guitar was on the stage. They also realized that Romney didn't sound remotely like an African-American. Romney was then chased out by an angry mob. He is now hiding in your mom's closet...with your mom.
