UnNews:Norman Soth threatening to blow up the LAX Airport

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

10 May 2006

Los Angeles, California -- Yesterday, a man known as Norman Soth issued a video to WNM stating his intent to release a deadly strain of smallpox inside of LAX airport. It's reported that he entered the airport, set up his bomb inside of a ventilation shaft, and is demanding a free Xtra Large Slurpee from 7-11 every day for the rest of his life if his demands are not met. It's not known why the government doesn't just send in some completely badass Ghost Reconniascance team, or use some other branch of our completely pwning military to retake LAX.

"We're doing all we can," said General Erik Michaelson, when asked about the escalating crisis "we're in the phase of our negotiations where the kid gloves have come off. We're through saying 'pretty please'. Now we're at the point where we're saying 'pretty please with a cherry on top'. We're really confident about this. Now quit your questions, the librarian's gonna kick us out!"

UnNews decided to reach another source on such a hot story.

"The potential costs of such a bomb are catastrophic," said Muhammed Ali, government correspondent,"not only would lots of people get smallpox, but there would be no location to film the show LAX's comeback! Heather Locklear's career would be destroyed." When reached for comment, NBC said a remake was the farthest thing from it's mind, and that LAX was a complete ratings bomb. Heather Locklear could not be reached for comment, her spokesman saying only "Miss Locklear is very sorry for the eyesore that was LAX. She is currently undergoing community service to try and rectify and mistakes made on her behalf in releation to that show. Thank you"

In other LAX news, a man wearing some type of futuristic Navy Seals clothing was found inside of an elevator screaming "How am I supposed to get out of here Lambert?" He was apprehended by airport security and is awaiting questioning.