UnNews:News of the World was born 168 years ago and now It Is Dead

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

11 July 2011
LONDON, United Kingdom -- It seems as though a certain newspaper shall not be able to whine or bitch about whatever crap goes on in this world anymore because it can't, because it is dead. The newspaper in question is News of the World, a tabloid that was born 168 years ago.

On July 11, 2011, News of the World published its very last issue, with the front page reading "Thank You and Goodbye". The issue also had a 40-page pullout, documenting the paper's history over the years. This issue was pretty much the final opportunity the editors had for speaking out, as they will have to spend the rest of their careers keeping quiet, like dead boys. The same goes for the female editors, who are technically not boys.

News of the World suffered a nasty crash landing after some of its prominent editors were arrested over a phone-tapping scandal, which the police was not letting go of so easily. After over 300 employees lost their jobs, the remaining editors decided it was finally time to begin preparing for the newspaper's funeral.

Of course, they don't really have to worry about all the people who have been reading their issues. Sources tell us that the majority of the newspaper's subscribers have already moved on with their lives, and are happily going out for fajitas, fishing in the creek and the like. When asked whether any of these people were mourning the newspaper's demise, the source said "don't count on it."

Some of the editors were rumored to have been seeking a light shining in the distance soon after leaving the press conference the newspaper staff had organized for the newspaper's final issue. They reportedly believed that this was a sign of divine intervention, a gift from the heavens or something. However, it was actually our reporter's cellphone blinking, and hence the hopeful staff of the dead newspaper were forced to leave dismayed and empty-handed. It seems that similar to life, even the newspaper's death wasn't fair on it.