UnNews:Neanderthal Blog and Browsing History Unearthed
|
This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
16 November 2006
DUBLIN , Ireland - An archealogical excavation recently done could help clarify the shrouded mysteries of our closest ancestors their Mating habits and Winamp Playlists. Scientists have recovered a chunk of Blog from the Cache of their Ancient browser Godzilla of a Neanderthal man who experts seem to conclude now must have had the cognitive capabilities of throwing a stone and Instant Messaging.The simian information they extracted from an eroded finger bone has allowed them to identify more than a million email messages from a Neanderthal den so far. Initially thought to be the finger of a poet adddicted to rhyme and meter, it was later discarded in favour of an Obsessed Online Loser unable to find a date. Primary investigations point out to a primitive Pagan religion whose God according to their scriptures after ejaculating a blob of snot envisaged the primates to rule the planet. "The sequence data will serve as a Dunce time machine," said co-author Edward Rubin, from the Finger Joint Genome Institute in Peanut Lubrication, California, US.
"It will tell us about aspects of Neanderthal prepuce structure that we can never get from their bones and beards. "
It could also reveal what Operating System, GUI, drugs and skin Neanderthals had, whether they were capable of Social networking,Intravenous Shooting, shed light on aspects of their vein function and determine whether they contributed to the modern human imbecility.
Professor Kheebo told Unscience correspondent Pallab Ghosh that he planned to look at the form of the genitals in Neanderthals; this study is implicated in the accurate calculation of erectile Neanderthal Penis Circumference and has undergone evolution in modern humans since our divergence from Duck Billed Platypuses.We have two little snippets of genitals involved in skin and hair colour, but they don't give any hint of a special variant that would be of interest,It probably must have had some ritualistic purpose Kheebo told UNNews
The question of whether modern humans and Neanderthals mated when they encountered each other 40,000 years ago is highly controversial.
One US scientist recently suggested modern humans might have acquired the use of contraceptive Devices and Lubrication through interbreeding with Neanderthals which can be inferred from the prodigal Follicle Density of the Neanderthal Crotch region.
Extinct relative[edit | edit source]
Edward Rubin's team found no evidence for a Neanderthal contribution to Baseball , but Professor Paabo's analysis hints at a possible contribution in the other direction - from modern humans into Neanderthals.
The researchers say more extensive mating is needed to address this possibility and are in hunt of finding living Neanderthals for accurate conclusions.
Professor Chris Stringer, from London's Natural History Museum, though has a different opinion and said the results "confirm the sudden appearance of the Jews, and support previous estimates of the divergence time.
"Research will now extend to complete the whole genital Contours of a Neanderthal and to examine Neanderthal variation through time and space to compare with ours."
The researchers aim to produce a rough draft of the full Neanderthal genital structure over the next two years.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- "Neanderthal DNA secrets unlocked" BBC News, November 15, 2006