UnNews:NHS Has Death Lists
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18 September 2009
NHS Has Death Lists[edit | edit source]
Yes, you heard it hear first. The British NHS has in its slimy possession a list of names whom a higher power believes are unfit to live. The shocking but completely believable news was released early this afternoon when a young girl died, in the London hospital branch.
After years of solid denial and "IMSORRYIDONTKNOWWHATTHEFUCKYOURTALKINGABOUT"'s hospital staff had to admit that they possessed a "Death List", as the girl was only there to have a quick ultrasound done of her baby. It seems that these "Death Lists" were created by Stephen Hawking some time in the future, after which he created a time machine and sent them to a previous version of himself in the 1960's, as well as 8GB's of "Totaly the most awesome porn for cripples".
The "Death List" had 2000 names on it in total, all of which have the words "Shoot on sight". After being abducted by MI6 and questioned for several days using the most potent computer viruses Hawking cracked.
!!In this speech Hawking was voiced by Microsft Sam for tax reasons!!
"He told himself (me) that if these people or their decendants lived to the year 3000, then there would be serious repercussions in our (his) future. I distributed the list myself via electronic-mail to all the major health centers in Britain. I was acting to save the future, even though he didnt explain what would happen properly."
Stephen will be kept in custody until more information is provided. To this date only 160 of the 2000 people have been 'dealt with' but today's event was not aimed at the mother. According to hospital staff the strike was aimed at her 3 month fetus.
"After we discovered that she was calling her child Roderick, we had to act fast. We knew that name was o the list. Know what i mean? If the kid had lived it coul have caused us irrefutible damage in the future." Said one hospital nurse while dragging on a 'legalized' bong. "Its just that we dont know what this Hawking guys going on about if the kid hadnt have died we could all 'ave been dead. Its one of those catch things"
The NHS is still awating what the government thinks of this so called "Death List". Until then we can only sit and wait.
