UnNews:NASA to put new wipers on space telescope

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

1 November 2006

Astronauts to gussy up Hubble Telescope again.

HOUSTON, Texas - The National Aeroplane Service Administration (NASCAR), announced today that a special space shuttle mission will perform required maintenance on the 78-year-old Hubble Space Telescope, replace the wipers, and maybe put new seat cushions on it.

"We obviously don't want to put too much money in it at this point," said mission specialist, Lance Hardison. "We just want to keep it running until we can maybe sell it to somebody. It's still a good telescope for somebody who likes working on telescopes."

The planned shuttle mission will give the telescope a badly needed oil and transmission fluid change, put in some decent spark plugs, and fix a few of the most obvious insulation leaks. The radio still works, but the heater is a little "iffy."

The Hubble Telescope has become less of a priority with NASCAR over the past few years, as they have had to concentrate more on some major breakdowns with its shuttle fleet, which it needs to have in decent shape to get to work. Also, parts have become harder to find for the Hubble, as fewer similar junked space telescopes can be found in surplus parts yards.

"Yeah, the parts guys just kind of look at you, and they're like, huh?" said Hardison. "So we've had to put some stuff in with epoxy and duct tape and just hope it holds together. It's okay, though."

NASCAR hopes to get a new space telescope one of these days, maybe after it gets the International Space Station paid off, but it also has some big expenses coming up if it wants to go back to the Moon.

"It's not much to look at, but it still runs good," Hardison added. "If you know anybody who needs a cheap space telescope, let us know."