UnNews:Mitt Romney tired of flip-flopping accusations; decides to undergo brain surgery to forget last 15 years
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
7 February 2012
UnNews HQ, TOP SECRET LOCATION -- It was announced on Twitter today that GOP candidate Mitt Romney will take a short break from his presidential campaign to have a small brain operation allowing him to feel freshly rebooted and ready to deflect potentially embarrassing questions regarding his past political positions.
We spoke to professor Groganfreungstagen, head of the prestigious Harvard psychomotive neuro-endo-eugenics organization, the Brain Bureau. He had the following to say:
| “ | By removing the right side of the parietal lobe of Mr. Romney's brain, we will be effectively erasing the patient's entire memory of his recent political career. However, information which Mr. Romney insisted is of utmost importance, such as the names of his children and his Bahamas' bank account PIN will not be affected by the procedure. | ” |
His campaign manager insisted that it was the right thing to do. "From now on, when Mitt will vehemently state his position on the pressing issues that are facing America, everyone will know he means it. People are understandably tired of Washington insiders, flip-floppers and politicians who take bribes, so they'll be able to put their trust in Mitt: he won't remember any of that."
Update: Mitt Romney has just been released from the hospital. An UnNews reporter rushed to the scene and managed to get a few words from the recently lobotomized presidential hopeful:
UnNews: How are you doing, Mr. Romney? Are you ready to tackle with the challenges of the campaign?
Romney: I'm doing fine. A bit of a headache though. *awkward smirk* We have to treat Ahmadinejad like the rogue and the buffoon that he is.
UnNews: Err... If you say so... What's your plan for the next caucus state?
Romney: I'm doing fine. A bit of a headache though. *awkward smirk* We have to treat Ahmadinejad like the rogue and the buffoon that he is.
UnNews: ...
