UnNews:Minute Movie Trailer Review - "Garfield: Tale of Two Kitties"

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

16 June 2006

HOLLYWOOD, USA - Garfield is a big, fat orange tabby cat, drawn by a team of artists and purpously designed to be as bland and inoffensive as possible. In the trailer for his next big, bland movie feature, he's a kind of rubbery computer graphic cat who for some reason goes to England. Perhaps because England is one of blandest countries on Earth, and the two should be perfect together.

While in England, Garfield apparently meets his exact double, which should be sort of amazing, since there are no other big, orange CGI cats in the world. I imagine the twin cat is the exact opposite of Garfield, personality-wise, except perhaps for the blandness. As a result of the mix-up, various things get slammed into people's faces, other things tip over, and maybe a car drives really fast. These things never result in anything as interesting as a death, though. Just a lot of flailing around and goofy faces.

Garfield is owned by some walking coatrack named "Jon." Not even "Johnny." He has some chick interested in him, who knows why, but of course Garfield will see that they never have anything like a simple human, male-female relationship.

So this movie might be okay for kids around 5 years old or so, who like things to fall over but might get scared if anything actually happened. If you take a kid to this movie, try to be on drugs. It'll be over in a couple of hours or so.

Sources

• Arthur Murray Dance School "Garfield Is A Cat" Newsweek, June 16, 2006

• Henry Guiltrip "Get Dad a New Grill for Father's Day, You Cheap Fucker!" True Value Hardware News, June 16, 2006