UnNews:Mickey Mouse tells viewers to impeach the President
12 May 2007
The caller was Jacob Mellonwood, a 8 year old child who just became fatherless because his daddy died in roadside car bomb in Iraq. The child asked Mickey Mouse how he should take care of the issue and to get over it.
Mickey Mouse became full of rage after hearing Jacob. The mouse let out his inner feelings about the war, global warming (because Mickey's house get burned in a wildfire last week which severely burned Minnie), and the price of cheese. Mickey Mouse believed that we were lied into getting on the bandwagon. He said that we should start forming groups, hand out petitions, and call on Congress to form articles of impeachment on Bush.
Mickey Mouse said in this statement, "Are we mice or men?!?! We are certainly not men!! And don't let 'em tell you we're rats. WE ARE NOT RATS. WE ARE MICE! Small rodents!" Micky's imitator continued: "If we don't do this now, we won't be have anymore freedom to eat cheese like the French. And this president could remain in power for life, eating our brie. The United States could go into Iran and possibly win the war and stay in Iraq causing peace and civilization to break out all over the Middle East."
Immediately following the statement, Mickey Mouse scurried outside, jumped into a Ford Bronco hybrid and drove to Mexico where he illegally came from years before. No one from the Disney Corp. could be reached for comment. Michael Eisner, former CEO of Disney reportedly had a heart attack.
Meanwhile Jacob took the mouse's words seriously and started to raise money by selling drugs to support a petition drive. He was arrested by Mexican police operating in the United States and taken to a internment camp in Mexico for "questioning." Details remain sketchy.
President Bush when told of the arrest said "Mexicans come here only to work. They are good, hard working people and we should not discourage them." "A guest worker plan must be agreed on by members of congress!" he concluded.
In an unusual twist, it was reported that Jacob's father was trying to kill American soldiers and local school children, when the bomb he was planting for Al Qaeda accidentally went off. Apparantly, he stopped while setting the bomb to have a snack of hummus and twinkies, and accidentally sat on the contact causing the detonation killing himself and forty children from the roadside school where he was setting the bomb.
Plans for services are not complete and will be announced next week in Saudi Arabia, or Iran, or Hollywood. Jane Fonda will deliver the eulogy.
- Walt Disney "Mickey gets pissed, Fucks Minnie" Los Angeles Times, May 12, 2007