UnNews:Meteors entertain the over-winter set in Naples, Florida
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
19 February 2013
NAPLES, Florida - Napleians have finally gotten to share in the fun of the meteor showers which have enchanted Russia and thrilled Cuba in recent days. Reports of meteors being seen have come in from all along the hotel district and from the balconies of the Ritz Carlton.
"Buffity and I thought that Christmas lights had been hung up outside our window by staff," said J. Pierpoint Alexanderski III, heir to the Jewish-ghetto fortune of the Reich. "She lamented that Christmas in her youth was lacking as much meat and glower as her mother remembered, and I said 'Buffity, enjoy the moment, my dear'." Buffity laughed, and all was well again as we spread the Star jelly on our toast."
The opera and horsey set down by the pier, dining on asparagus tips buttered with dandelion spread and watermelon balls soaked in aged wine and served warm with essence of jasmine, thought it was a fine show. Some of the older men impressed the young fancy-pants women by lighting cigarettes with the burning end of a meteorite, and one fine fellow did sleight of hand tricks with the remnants of his neighbors skull while his bejeweled lady looked on in fascination and guarded admiration. A child of that ghastly age of four, a silly boy afraid of "Jesus in the sky!" as he called the display, hid behind the cabana amidst side glances and whispers about his upbringing.
Meanwhile, the Wallace Hartley Band stood on the sand and played waltzes, ragtime, and "Nearer, my God to thee", the well-paid security staff at the underground bunkers took in women, children, and old money first, and pelicans, thinking it was daytime and "'twas fish that were flying" - as a European Viscount vacationing with his wife's mistress put it while nibbling sperm whale caviar from the gold-plated nails of her pedicured toes - followed fleeing bottle-nosed dolphins into the deeper and slicker waters of the Gulf.
Sources[edit | edit source]
Naples Sun Tribune, Nuclear Winter Edition