UnNews:McDonald's Announces Intention to Become A Sovereign Nation
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 August 2007
Ronald McDonald today announced that his company will soon change its status from multinational corporation to sovereign nation. Ronald will henceforth be known as Prince Ronald, Lord of Grease.
A reporter who questioned the decision was dragged away to the dungeons for beheading in the morning. "A higher power has given me this new status, and you shall not question his holy might," Prince Ronald stated in response to the reporter's cries of "Why? Why?"
Reports of who this higher power is are all over the map. God has been implicated, as has Allah, Aliens, Tom Cruise, and a small kitten. Prince Ronald has since stated that the official religion of McState, as the nation will be called, will be announced, "...just as soon as we finish illustrating the constiution". Officials from the major churches had no comment, although a wage slave responded to Savior Cruise's request for a cheseburger with the phrase, "Yes, Your Holiness". Cthulhu was unavailable for comment.
The geopolitical upshot of this decision is bound to be staggering. "We'll have to erect border crossings at the entrance to each and every franchise," White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said in a press conference earlier this week, "We wouldn't want terrorists sneaking into the U.S. through our poorly defended border with McDonald's". Other nations are thought to be taking less strict approaches, although China is rumored to be placing armed guards at the Chino/McDonald's border to prevent their population from hearing anti-Chinese propaganda.
McDonald's already considerable army of security guards and scary Mexicans is bound to grow bigger. When asked if he had any plans for military operations, Prince Ronald stated "Those plans are classified." He did add that Canada had better watch itself, especially, "...those snooty Quebckers and their anti-fast-food stance".
There is no informantion regarding McDonald's ongoing quest for the bomb.
Professor Snootypants, Dean of Political Science at Harvard University, was pleased with Prince Ronald's progress as a Head of State. "He's already learned how to classify things, which usually doesn't occur until the third year." But he was worried about the execution of the reporter. "Killing the press is always a bad idea, especially so early in development. But the other signs point to his becoming a despot at worst, which is better than incompetent :Cough:". He is believed to be referencing President Kim Jong-Il of North Korea.
Prince Ronald concluded the announcement with this statement, "I'm really doing this for the chicks. Chicks dig heads of state. Especially really hot chicks."
Much more information as story develops.
Sources[edit | edit source]
http://www.McState.com, August 23, 2007