UnNews:Mass destruction of boneless whales spotted by NASAL satellite
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
18 March 2013
The corpses of several hundreds of boneless whales have been spotted on the frozen-over seas around the Antarctic by a NASAL satellite that crash-landed in the area last Wednesday.
The foremost theory to explain the mass destruction of these magnificent creatures was put forth last Tuesday by Doctor Eminent, an expert on science: "The catastrophic growing of the ice cap on the Antarctic has apparently resulted in the cooling of sea water around the continent. As a result, boneless whales have lost most of their natural habitat. Since the animals are very poisonous, not even bacteria have been able to convert them into nutritives. The winds, which always blow from the north all around the Antarctic, have then carried the corpses onto the ice."
When asked what could be done to stop similar catastrophes, Dr Eminent grows alarmed and almost whispers: "Don't tell the hippie communist gays at Greenpeace I told you this - but I seriously suspect there's no other way than burning up more fossil fuel. We must save the boneless whales and ignore the ones with bones in them. I know I'm in the minority here, but I really want to protect these mammals."
It must be noted that boneless whales were discovered as late as 2012 and, according to our sources, they are half extinct already. Steps are taken towards burning more fossil fuel, whatever that is.