UnNews:Man finds his own finger in bag of pretzels
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
21 January 2012
Birdseyeville, TN -- Wendel Hymie, of South Birdseyville, had a pleasant surprise on Friday night. He was at the Honeypot Tavern, having a few beers with the boys. At one point, he got up and bought a bag of pretzels from the vending machine. "One of the pretzels just didn't look right," he told us. "It was fatter'n the others."
People gathered around to take a look. "Damned if it weren't my finger," he recalled. Wendel, who works at the pretzel factory in Ducktown, was involved in an accident in December. "I was workin' the line, got too close to the dough cutter, and damned if I didn't lose my dern finger." Officials, with the help of local authorities, conducted a brief accident investigation. The finger was never found, so everyone pretty much forgot about it -- until Friday.
"Its kind of a miracle," he told us. "I never expected to see that derned finger again." When asked how he knew it was his finger, Wendel told us, "Hell, I'd recognize that finger anywhere. Just a little crispier than normal."
Emma Pickler, the barmaid on duty Friday night, added, "Yep, that was his finger alright. I've seen that finger wrapped around a bottle of Dixie longneck many times."
Wendel bought a round for the house, and things soon returned to normal at the Honeypot.
