UnNews:Malta covered in Toilet Paper overnight
Tuesday, February 19th, 2025
Breaking news coming out of Malta tonight, somehow some group of teenagers has coated the ENTIRETY of the European-Mediterranean Island-Nation of Malta in Toilet paper overnight. This is very unexpected but also expected, since all them gosh-darn-ity-in teenagers are always being annoying little disobedient brats! Because all they'll always be doing is just throwing around stuff instead of being GOOD CHILDREN and thinking they are some independent being and shouldn't be loyal patriots of this country! I mean just what in tarnation has happened to society?! With all this glee-bo-glorkip everywhere of all the...the...damnit I forgot to take my dementia pills!
Okay I'm back, I took my dementia pills. Now apparently about 32 fellow old men and women died of heart attacks when they found out they were covered in toilet paper and so were their properties. REALLY just bad stuff out here, Phil. Wait, who is Phil? Who am I? Did I take my dementia pills? Huh? What?
Alright so I'm Roland. Since the other dude just passed out and is undergoing emergency open-fucking-heart surgery in the ER right now, I'm here to finish this stupid story. So since the island is now coated entirely in toilet paper, just ONE spark could absolutely set the damn place afire. So due to that, all electricity in the island has been shut down as they remove the toilet paper. I'm Roland Tablemansondude, back to you Phil.
Authored by Gene Geneson (now dead), 100% NOT a 98 year old man trying to find a way to yell at teenagers in their natural habitat of Uncylopedia, and Roland Tablemansondude.
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