UnNews:Makers of American Pie sued for False Advertising

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

12 June 2007

Kowloon, PRC -- Sweatshop workers in the Asian country of the People's Republic of China are reportedly suing Betty Crocker, maker of wildly popular confection American Pie, for undisclosed damages. They claim that they are causing undue pain with their moniker "Made in America," which has become something of a catchphrase for the aforementioned pastry. According to their official press release, "Betty Crocker is lying about their product, American Pie. Despite its claim to the contrary, it is not made in America, but instead in a large assembly line in a factory in China, that also produces shoe leather. Calling the pie American is insensitive to our workers. If anything, it should be called Chinese assembly-line produced, definitely NOT American pie." They added that it should be common sense that this be the case, and that it was typical American stupidity that Betty Crocker's erroneous claims were taken seriously.

The exact damages, as previously mentioned, have not at this time been disclosed, but it is known that the suit was made in tandem with Duncan Hines, who first brought the false advertising to the attention of the otherwise oblivious factory workers. "They've been stamping these boxes with "Made in America" stickers for twenty years or so, and they never even realized what it said! It is just wrong, and we hope that Betty Crocker can be held accountable for their despicable actions," said Duncan Hines head counsel. He then proceeded to switch off his LG Plasma Television, pick up the keys for his Kawasaki motorcycle and his Video iPod, cursed the bad joss he had for accidentally taking his son's transportation in a drunken stupor, and peeled the orange "Made in China" sticker off of his stress ball.

American Pie, for those unfamiliar with the fairly commonplace treat, was a surprise hit introduced in 1971 by sweet connoisseur Don McLean. Preparation is approximately eight and one half minutes in the microwave on HIGH. This is ironic, as Mr. McLean himself admitted in a 1972 interview that "Yeah, I was high when I wrote invented it. And?" American Pie has also drawn controversy of late by angry health food gurus who demand to know what is in it. The recipe, bought from the FDA by McLean in the mid-Seventies, has been hidden from the public since then. When asked about it, McLean responded simply "It means I never have to work again."