UnNews:London opens new spiral line

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

8 December 2009

Some teething troubles are expected - like trains spiralling up to the surface

Transport for London completed work today on the spiral line, the latest addition to the London Underground. The new multimillion-pound route provides a replacement for the 125 year old circle line, which is due to be demolished later this year.

The line was built at the request of London's mayor, Boris Johnson, who will be at the unveiling of new station ticket machines later this month. "I wanted an underground network we can be proud of," the mayor said, "and like my hair, more yellowy and a bit of a mess."

Some commuters are sad to see the the 125 year old Circle Line - the longest line in the network - disappear from London's maps. "It's always been there, and always should. The historic track, signals and coaches are as much a tourist destination as anything else. Its closure could cripple the tourist industry - what else are the 200,000 people who visit every day going to do?" But opinionated local taxi driver Frank Peel was happy with the closure. "It's the end of the line for the Circle," he said, "the trains never run, it closes half day on Thursdays, and gives us no end of trouble. Bloody immigrants."

General of the RMT union, Bob Crow, urged Transport for London to provide more training and pay, saying the new plans were a risk to passenger safety. "Drivers coming from the Circle Line urgently need to be trained in how to approach the end of the line. These people haven't stopped before."

Transport For London officials are keen to extend the idea to other parts of the transport network. "Plans to extend the M25 to Basingstoke via Reading are already being drawn up", a spokesman exclusively revealed.

Sources

• Spiral line launched, TFL