UnNews:Lack of News Causes Suicide Among Bloggers

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

20 May 2008

WASHINGTON D.C- Today tragedy struck all over America as thousands of web bloggers checked their favorite websites to find a total lack of News. At first bloggers patiently waited for the sites to be updated but no updates came. They refreshed their browsers several times but still the sites reported yesterdays News. Suddenly bloggers panicked. After posting suicide notes on their Vlog (youtube), Facebook and Blogspot.com web blogs they jumped from tall structures video tapping the fall on their webcams. "It is a horrible tragedy." Says Ralph Polinski as he grabs the dead corpse of a blogger and throws it casually into the dumpster. He was one of the people employed to clean up the streets since the countless corpses of bloggers made cars unable to pass.

Not all bloggers committed suicide. Some bloggers were just about to tie the noose when news of the thousands of suicides came out. Suddenly distracted, they booted up their computer to report to their subscribers about the latest deaths. However, help came to late for many bloggers and all that remains of them is yesterday's post about a skate boarding dog and their favorite Rob and Big episode.

Many Cities are handling the tragedy differently. Some cities are burning the hundreds of corpses. Other cities a digging mass graves. In the bronx the bodies are just left to lie there while 5 year old kids poke them with sticks. The blogging community suffered a huge loss. Over 10,000 bloggers are believed to have committed suicide. Many of the remaining bloggers have posted a virtual memorial next to a image of a dancing kitten. One blogger posts on how the community should deal with the situation. "We bloggers have suffered horrible losses. How will we go on with out the guidance of JIm the Skeptic or the video game reviews of Bob019 and no one can forget the pirated downloads that SETHMcGEE had to share. We bloggers must not give up and continue posting through these hard times."

Some Bloggers were affected by the tragedy so much they decided to give up blogging. "I feel like i've been wasting my life" Says Karen Sanders. She had a blog dedicated to her kitten. She posted hundreds of videos and pictures of her cat, timothy, getting into all kinds of craziness. "I became obsessed over blogging and over reading other blogs, and commenting on them and sharing them and..." Karen continued.

Though it was a horrible tragedy the bloggers appear to be moving on hoping never again that there would be a lack of news.