UnNews:Kevin Federline Arrested for Rape (and murder)
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
16 November 2006
This morning rapper/shithead, Kevin Federline, was arrested for several thousand counts of rape and murder.
These crimes first came to light when his ex-wife/vase Britney Spears went to police with stories of "K-Feds" alleged crimes. This came as a surprise to police, partly because Britney was in labour as she entered the police station.
The police released a statement saying this was "good news" because although thousands are dead, jail would seriously inhibit K-Feds ability to rap or be seen in public. Police said this would lower suicide rates in the hundreds of thousands. Another up, they said, was that Britney would not be able to conceive any more "down-syndromed anti-christ devil spawn."
The victims range from prominent convenience store customers to successful out of work actors. The list is growing as fast a Britney can make it up. Here is a list that I obtained/stole very easily:
- Mary-Kate (murdered)
- 1/3 of Ashley (broken)
- Paul Schafer-Late Show with David Letterman (raped/dismembered)
- That skank Hope from "Hope and Faith"(raped?)
- Himself (sodomised)
- And many more
The President of Azerbaijan Showed his disgust today in an interview with Azerbajainian talk show host Balaal Ichberfsht when he said "I, got this lump on my neck, the doctor said I'm fine but I'm not sure cause I saw this thing on FOX news that........" Wise words from a man.
Britney Spears' publicist released a mispelt statement today that's said "PLEASE GOD HELP ME!". Britney Spears' new publicist insists that what she meant was "Britney just needs some time alone; to pad the floors of her house for her next baby's arrival, which is later this afternoon.
Our country of earth is certainly in hard times. Lets just hope the christians are wrong about the rapture.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Multiculturalism in Australia by Dan Rather, Juggs magazine, Sexified publications. 11,14,2006