UnNews:Kerry teased over intermediate level of French

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
UnNews Logo Potato.png This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

9 February 2013

Kerry demonstrated his understanding of the Canadian variant of football by adopting the legal catching position.

WASHINGTON D.C., United States -- John Kerry's first press conference as US Secretary of State did not go exactly to plan, as local members of the press bullied him over his half-decent command of French.

The conference was held after Kerry had met his Canadian counterpart, and one member of the press took the opportunity to say, "Mr Kerry, I have always had a problem distinguishing between the correct pronunciation of tu and vous.[1] Could you give us a demonstration please?"

Mr Kerry looked distinctly embarrassed by the question, coming after his ability to speak a foreign language was attacked by Republicans during the 2004 Presidential election. GOP muckrakers published results from an evening class which Kerry took in 1979, which suggested he had a lower-intermediate level of French, equivalent to that which a Vietnamese immigrant who has spent 6 months in Paris might enjoy.

Faced with the difficult choice of rejecting la langue française in front of Canadians, Kerry dithered for several seconds, before hitting on the novel idea of answering the question in bad English: "Not today. I got [sic] [2] to refresh myself on that."

Kerry then briskly left the conference for an orchestrated game of Canadian Football,[3] leaving various questions in his wake, such as "Can you confirm you know what the past participle of connaître is?", "Do you want that we be more aware of the subjunctive in English?" and "Do you consider your desk to be masculine?"


Foutre-notes[edit | edit source]

  1. ↑ The Canadian secretary of state later explained that Tu occupies a saucy little phonemic location between to and chew.
  2. ↑ What do you mean you don't see the problem? I got is a past tense. Here one ought to use I have got.
  3. ↑ There is a reason this is a red link. Three downs instead of four? Notre football as part of the motto. And look at their names. Bunch of freaks.

Sources[edit | edit source]

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=UnNews:Kerry_teased_over_intermediate_level_of_French&oldid=5664327"