UnNews:KFC plans move into kebab market

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

7 August 2007

Louisville, KY. (UnNews) –- Following runaway success with its eyeless, beakless, legless, intravenously fed “chicken”, KFC, formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken until trade description legislation came into force in 2005, today announced it will introduce a new line of lamb kebabs to compliment its existing menu offerings.

In an exclusive interview a KFC spokesman told our UnNews reporter, “Market research indicates that consumers are unhappy purchasing kebabs from rat and cockroach infested outlets run by Turks who ask three times, ‘Do you want chili sauce with that?’ before you can understand what they’re saying.”’’

The spokesman continued, ”Our outlets are largely free of pestilence and the new Whammo-Lammo™ kebabs will contain at least 5% real lamb, which is twice that of any comparable product on the market today.”

During development of the new range, KFC successfully bred a genetically modified seven-legged species of lamb to increase the meat yield per unit. The animal also has an edible fleece that KFC claim will “add texture to the Whammo-Lammo™”.

Tobias Voletrouser, a spokesman for the Association of Kebab Vendors (formerly the Association of Vendors of Lamb Mixed with Offal, Sawdust and Floor-sweepings) said, ”We not worried KFC people try steal our business. We have big knife. Tell them be careful.”

The new KFC Whammo-Lammo