UnNews:Jesus "poo" sculpture offends Church

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

30 March 2007

"I would be turning in my grave, if I was dead. Which I am, sort of. I think, I mean what the f##k is 'I am the Resurrection' supposed to mean for Christs sake! Its all so confusing"

A New York gallery has angered a US Catholic group with its decision to exhibit a sculpture of Jesus Christ constructed entirely from human fecal matter. The six-foot (1.8m) sculpture, entitled "Now, Wash Your Hands!", depicts Jesus Christ naked on the cross. The sculpture, by artist Crappolio Kack, will be displayed from Monday at Manhattan's Lab Gallery.

Catholic League head Bill Kiddfidler called it "one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever, not to mention the smell. Jesus, I haven't smelt anything like that since I last visited India!". The Catholic League, which prides itself in ignoring the endemic peodophilia within the Catholic Church, also expressed its disgust at the depiction of Christ in a non white image, "its not just the use of human excretia, its the fact that Our Lord is depicted as a negro that really offends us", Kiddfidler added this morning.

Crappolio Kack defended his sculpture, "Hey, chill out! Its not like I made the thing out of chocolate, now that would have been disgusting!"

The gallery's creative director, Matt Smellie, was a little nonplussed at the fuss caused by the sculture, "I admit it is a bit smelly in there, and the rats are becoming a problem, but thats modern art for you."

Jesus, who posed for the sculpture also defended Crappolio most vehemently yesterday, "wha ... uh yes boss ... er ... Go in peace. Do you have a spare coin so an old soldier can buy himself a coffee. I lost my right arm in Nam don't yer know and you come here trying to steal my home, you stinking commie bastard!"

Crappolio used 200 pounds (90 kg) of his, and his family's "excretiate" to make the sculpture which, unusually, depicts Jesus without a loincloth, "the manhood was the product of one visit to the toilet that took six hours to shift."

"I am particularly proud of that part of the scuplture".

Sources

• BBC "Jesus causes a "stink" in New York (see what I did there?)" BBC, march 30, 2007