UnNews:Irish mayor "farts on" tomato
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
4 October 2007
THE LORD MAYOR of Belfast has apologised to a council worker after he farted on her face during a photoshoot. Sarah Mango, dressed as a tomato suffered a "severe asthma attack" and was rushed to hospital. Mayor Jim Rodgers' noxious emissions had filled her lungs after he "produced a stupendous trumpet noise from his bottom" that lasted "several seconds".
The mayor had reportedly had a curried yak for breakfast that very morning and was unaware of the explosive side-effects that the famous Peruvian dish would have on his digestive system.
Ms Mango had been dressed as a tomato at the request of the Mayor for reasons unknown but it is NOT thought to be the result of his fetish for women dressed as fruit and veg. The Ulster Unionist councillor said he "just could not resist temptation."
"I mean, she was just sitting their proffering herself and I felt one brewing. It was the natural thing to do and would have been a criminal waste of a good fart." he said, "unfortunately the adverse reaction she suffered was unexpected and I can only apologise.".
Several onlookers also reported feeling unwell after the gas cloud drifted over the small crowd, "Christ alive, his guts must be rotten to the core. I haven't smelt anything like that since I hid the rotting corpse of my wife under the floor boards (did I just say that out loud?)" one semi-delirious man said shortly after the incident.
Ms Mango, who normally works as a street whore in Belfast docks, has been unable to return to work since the incident happened in 1987.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- CAN YOU? "can you smell it?" WELL, CAN YOU!?, October 4, 2007