UnNews:Iranian jets fire on unarmed U.S. drone - missing wildly
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
9 November 2012
TEHRAN, Iran -- A few minutes ago an incident occurred that caused the Pentagon to have a laughing fit. Apparently twelve Iranian SUV-25 fighter jets fired on a single unarmed U.S. Air Force drone that was minding its own business loitering in the skies over the Iranian capital of Tehran - and they all missed.
The absurdity of an unarmed drone being hounded for illegal entry into Iran without a valid tourist visa breaks all-common sense laws of space travel. The ludicrous and bellicose incident also raises fresh concerns within the Obama administration about Iranian military aggression in crucial air space. The question of how far up is the legal distance in the sky before the Iranian Foreign Ministry loses its jurisdiction remains unanswered. And that also raises an even more serious question: is space on the edge of Earth’s atmosphere out of bounds? Or do Iranian marksman have the right to shoot down satellites when they pass through Iran’s outer-space?
“Apparently the drone was in Iranian airspace,” U.S. officials said, “whatever that means.” He also added, “it was engaged in routine tourism.” The official conceded that the drone was traveling in Iran without a proper permit, but was quick to point out, “Jeez! They didn’t have to shoot at it! I mean would they shoot a Saudi tourist who was in Iran without a visa? HELL, YES! But that’s on the ground. We’re dealing with air-space here!”
Meanwhile the general staff of the Pentagon were in stitches laughing their collective asses off. Although intercepted and fired upon by 12 Iranian fighter jets still the drone was not hit even once. An unofficial Pentagon spokesman laughed and spoke with an indistinct Texas drawl, “They all missed! All twelve a-them goddamn planes missed the drone. And it wasn't even evadin’ ‘em!” he chuckled. “Just imagine in a real war - hell, they might miss even if they was aimin’ at the ground!”
The unofficial explained that the 12 jets were part of Iran's Revolutionary Guard Farce, which is usually a little more accurate. These planes were not part of Iran’s regular military forces – being totally controlled by no less than Ali, the descendant of the 5th Magi.
One low-ranking Obama administration mole did not disclose the incident, preferring to invoke Obama’s Executive Privilege, but senior moles confirmed the details to us and we’re telling you - right here, right now. The officials declined to be identified because of ignorance surrounding the matter, which might embarrass Iran. And certainly NATO wouldn’t want to hurt anyone’s false pride - least of all Iran.
The drone's cameras captured the absurdly underwhelming incident showing a dozen SUV-25s approaching the slow moving drone and all firing on-board guns. The Iranian pilots fired shots that went over, under, sideways, and down, missing the drone, which they were never successful in hitting even once, according to the officials.
U.S. military incompetence analysts are still not sure if the Iranian pilots simply were unable to hit the drone, or whether they deliberately missed. But as one of the officials said, “it really just shows that them A-rabs can’t hit the broad side of a barn, even if they did have a nuke!”
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Barbara Starr "Iranian jets fire on U.S. drone" CNN, November 9, 2012