UnNews:Iran's president is a total h4x0r!!!!11!1!!! lollollollolol!!!!111!!

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 August 2006

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is now becoming quite feared on many WoW, CoD 2, and CS servers.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has joined a burgeoning international community - by starting to "frikkin h4x0r t3h intarweb." The launch of his blog was reported on state TV, which urged "fagorts" to send in messages to the president after their consoles were "totally pwnt" by the mischievous Islamic Populist. 4|n/\/\4d1|\|3_|4d!'s first posting, entitled "hello fagorts iam a hax0r, m4hm00d 4hm4d1nej4d," tells of his childhood, Iran's Islamic revolution, the country's war with Iraq, and Iran's capability to "h4x0r t3h Gr347 5474|\|z b0x" using nuclear weapons and "m4d sk1llz."

The blog includes a poll asking if users think the US and Israel are trying to convince the UN to begin development on their long-promised World War III. There is a postform for users to send in hatemail for the president to delete, and a picture gallery containing a series of humorous images photoshopped by the h4x0r himself.

The move by Ahmadinejad comes amid continuing internet hacking and trolling of U.S. websites by the Iranian government. In an interweb where the gaming totally sucks, Iranian servers have become the main forum for all t3h u83r 31337s. But in its bid to crack down on n00bz and h4x0rz, the government uses one of the most sophisticated kicking and banning systems in the world. Such restrictions will not pose a problem for the president. However, at the end of his first posting - which runs to more than 2,000 words in English - he promises to try to keep things "become a peaceful computer consultant" in future, mainly because "h4x0ring si illegla!" "With hope in God, I intend to wholeheartedly assure my 1337ness in the future within allotted 15 minutes," he was poorly translated as writing.

It is not yet clear how well Mr Ahmadinejad's escapades will be received. User figures already appear high - by 1100 GMT on Monday, nearly 12,000 people had already been pwnt by the subtle computer whiz.

But Keivan Mehrgan, a Tehran-based gamer, told UnNews he thought the president's cheating and pwn4g3 were merely a publicity stunt. "Ahmadinejad used to have nothing to do with the internet and even talked against gamers, h4x0rz and bloggers before he became president," he was quoted as saying.

Meanwhile, in a move some suggest is part of the same search for a wider international audience, President Ahmadninejad also gave a rare interview to American television. In extracts broadcast by Gamespy on Monday, Ahmadinejad condemned President Bush for wanting to solve the world's problems by force, and for giving Israel cheat codes to use in its conflict with Hezbollah. He also flatly denied Iran was seeking nuclear weapons. "We want to have access to nuclear technology. We want to produce fuel for gamers," he said "Using uranium and plutonium, we shall develop an energy drink for gamers 100,000 times stronger than Bawls or Red Bull. Do you not think that the most important issue of the world of tomorrow will be energy drinks? We think that Mr. Bush's team and the parties that support him want to monopolize energy drinks of the world."

Sources

• Tom "Ahmadinejad now on MySpace" Myspace, August 14, 2006

• Mahmoud Ahmadinejad "Merciful and compassionate God surely endorses the martyrs of the faith who give up their lives on CounterStrike" Iran, August 11, 2006