UnNews:Insane Tramp turns out to be Billionaire
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
15 August 2007
A crazed tramp living on the streets of Barnsley has turned out to be Alan Monedake, a reclusive billionaire who went missing after suffering long term memory loss. Monedake, who lost his memory due to head injuries he sustained in a car crash, earned his fortune by floating his internet casinoes on the stock market.
Monedake stated he was still in shock: "I'm shocked. I was content being an ugly-looking weirdo on the streets, scrounging for pennies, but now I've got the world at my feet. All I remember is being a tramp so for this to happen is like a dream come true. I'm pinching myself. When I was told I said to the guy, lay off the glue, fella."
He remained modest throughout the interview, not commenting on what he plans to do with the money: "I can't say I know what I'll do with all the cash, although I know what I'd like to do with the girlfreind I found out I got."
Long term girlfriend Goldie Diggert was relieved if a bit surprised: "I thought I'd never see Al again, so I'm delighted. His time as a tramp has caused him to lose some of his rugged good looks, but as long as he is rich I'll stick by him through thick and thin."
