UnNews:Iceland Sinking

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

9 October 2008

Iceland's economy has fallen to record lows today. From all around the island country, all bodies of water have become too large to traverse, halting even electronic bank transfer to the UK and subsidiary banking with Sweden and Finland across the North Sea. Finland's branch has shut down, and people are apparently heading for the hills with little concern for poor Iceland.

Some experts in diverse places are pointing fingers at the richer countries of the world for meeting at summit after summit, discussing trees and birdies and other nicities. They are said to discuss the rising ocean over tea. America, in particular, has been criticised for having been the de facto leader of the summits and for being entirely unconcerned. "Their policies abroad are sending us small nations to a watery grave," comments Paul de L'Eau of Iceland, who has no sense of humour about the situation. "America can go soak its head."

The flooding of financial problems is not exclusive to Iceland, however, and in spite of L'Eau's comments, America has not been left high and dry. Some coastal cities such as New York City and San Francisco have taken extreme turns for the worse, as the waters of debt rush in. Some bystanders in New York suggested that the Atlantic seemed to be inflating.

At this, the experts in universities and government are puzzled. "It seems to defy the laws of physics" said one economist, who is accustomed to viewing money exchange as a scientific thing. "It just doesn't make sense, and I cannot believe it is happening. I will not."

Commentators in the White House have largely agreed with this assessment.

As Iceland falls into the Atlantic, the rest of the world remains perilously afloat. In the meantime, officials of all countries are asking "When ice sinks, what does this mean for countries?"