UnNews:Guy Writes Terrible Fan Fiction Story
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
20 July 2008
CHICAGO, Illinois: After completing the seventh Harry Potter novel by renowned author J.K. Rowling, local resident John Knowles, 21, decided to take a shot at writing himself.
"I figured it probably wouldn't be that hard," said Knowles last Tuesday. "I mean, I just wanted to continue this epic saga. Then, there can be one more story for everyone to read! And if it's really good, some publishers might be interested or something. I don't know, I just think it's fun."
The epic story, which John titled "Harry Potter: Magical Murder Mystery at the Mysterious Manor", was roughly 20 pages long. Those who Knowles forced to read the story generally panned it after making sure he wasn't around to hear.
"It was pretty terrible," said Susan Sullivan, a close friend of Knowles. "I wouldn't want to hurt John's feelings, but he's definitely not cut out to be an author. Take the part where Hermione witnesses the murder. 'Hermione looked through the hole in the wall and looked, looking closely. The guy raised his wand and shouted "avada kedavra" pretty loudly at the other guy, and the other guy died. Hermione was scared, and she left to go tell Harry and Ron.' That's just the start. It goes on like that for pages. Several others passed out with boredom in the middle of the story, though they all later told John it was "Pretty good, I guess."
After Knowles posted the story online, many critics began to give it reviews on the forum where it had been published. "TEH LAMEz," said superSTR8268. ":(." Others called it a "raping of literature" and suggested that Knowles go "shove his head innnto (sic) a meat grinder". Despite the criticism, Knowles forges on.
"I still think I can really do this," he said in a final comment. "Everyone else just doubts me, but I'll show them through perserverence." Experts say that this declaration may be the beginning of an inspiring underdog story; however, it is more likely that John will simply produce more senseless garbage. But at least, he says, he will do it with reckless pride, and little fear of being completely unable to come up with any original thoughts.
