UnNews:Greenpeace strongly supports the "six strikes law"

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

6 March 2013

LOS ANGELES, California – Greenpeace spokesperson Nate Moran has spoken out in favor of the recent "Six Strikes Law" designed to crack down on copyright infringement, or as copyright holders put it, "the mass robbery of music and movies whose earnings could have been used for recreational drug use".

After the massive opposition to the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA), copyright holders have partnered with leading Internet Service Providers in an emulation of existing copyright-protection laws in Britain and France.

"Thieving is an act against nature. Against the Mother that raised us all!" Nate told UnNews, "And frankly, given the corruption that has enveloped mankind ever since we began the enslavement of our dear plants for "food", I am not surprised that we have been destroying the lives of our own for so long."

"But, as every ban on GM food across the world reminds me, there is always a small but visible ray of hope for all of us. Vigilant and noble brotherhoods like the RIAA and MPAA have worked tirelessly to protect their natural and inalienable rights to make three lifetime's worth of money from one song or movie or whatever it is people illegally download these days. And now, I can finally hope to see their efforts bear fruit."

Sources have told UnNews that Greenpeace is actually supporting the six-strikes law to cut down on the industry's practices that they consider harmful to the environment. "You know how music piracy's forced most artists to get off their asses and actually show their talent on the stage where they can't hide behind all the auto-tuning and shit. Greenpeace actually wants a future where such performances become nonexistent, because they feel live shows leave a massive carbon footprint behind." said one such source

Some sources closer to Greenpeace have shed light on even more allegedly devious plans, "Greenpeace wants to destroy them all. You know, because with the end of piracy, people will start taking their audience for granted, and make millions out of crappier and crappier nonsense. But sooner or later, the house of cards will come crashing down, and they'll be out of business. Another threat to the environment vanquished! That's some long con, yo."