UnNews:Grandmother summons devil during Spanish class
Friday, March 27, 2015
Jane Chapman, a 72-year-old grandmother from New Hampshire, inadvertently summoned the devil yesterday during a Spanish for Seniors class at her community college when she attempted to say, "¿Cuantos años tiene su hija?"
The retired dressmaker didn't make it to the end of the sentence, but in her attempt she managed to stutter through a number of Latinate syllables which apparently added up to a diabolical invocation.
"It was like she was speaking backwards, and her face went all red until finally, there was like this fart smell. I was about to say, 'Jane, those j sounds are making you strain too hard' but it turns out it was the demonic smell of sulphur," explains Bobby Sanchez, the course teacher.
Amid the smell, a sinister goat - apparently Satan himself made furry flesh - appeared in the classroom, only to be chased out by Jane's new gentleman partner. "It looked like a normal goat, but his eyes were all red, like when you have been in the pool too long," said Jane, who declared that she was undeterred by the presence of the devil "because I have got five grandkids and they can be real little devils too."
Mr Sanchez informed us that the previous week another senior student almost opened a portal into another dimension when he attempted to draw his house on the whiteboard and explain in Spanish what was in the different rooms.
"I can't explain how he did it, but somehow his attempt to say 'hay una cama' almost opened a wormhole," Sanchez explained.
While locals have largely treated the incident as nothing more than a mildly interesting anecdote, some parapsychologists have expressed alarm at the discovery that the language of the devil is New Hampshire Spanish. "At the end of the day Spanish is a barbaric language anyway, and all one needs to do is add a New England accent to it in order to convert it into a uncontrollable force of evil," noted parapsychologist Mary Darksen.