UnNews:Government to introduce anti-bellbottom law

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

24 May 2007

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Congress announced a plan to burn and ban all traces of the 70's in an effort to stop another coming of bell bottoms. It has long been known that fashion often goes in a circular cycle and as a result, the older generations are made to suffer like their parents did when they use to look that stupid. No trend could have been more embarrassing, disruptive, and sinister than bell bottom jeans. Not only were they popular in the 70's, but they made several re-emergences since then. With bell bottom jeans being out of style for so long, it's only a matter of time before they start blacking out the shoes of our children.

In an effort to shield ourselves from another wave of flared denim mayhem, Congress has decided to take a preemptive approach against their fasion-less foes. Bill C-420, which will be voted on sometime next month, proposes that we eradicate all traces of the 70's from memory. All clothing, memorabilia, cars, books, and persons born between January 1st 1970 and December 31st 1979 would need to be submitted to the Department of National Defense to be disposed of in a fitting manner. All books, memorabilia, toys etc. are to be burned in a large pyre in downtown DC in what is likely to be the first of many fires dedicated to the destruction of a generation (Rumour has it, the 80's and their large hair is next, closely followed by the 20's which trumpeted in women’s suffrage). All cars are to be melted down and made into Republican Party support pins. It is unclear what will happen to the persons born in said time period, but it has been said they'll be put to work in a new production factory producing genetically modified vegetable called "Soily greens".

As for the clothing from that auspicious era, it is to be sent Iraq, Iran, and Afghanistan in the hopes the insurgents will surrender to the superiorly dressed American army.

If this problem is left un-tended to, analysts report that bell bottom pants could resurface anywhere between 2-5 years.