UnNews:Ghost of Philip K. Dick horrified by movies based on his work
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
8 April 2011
CHICAGO, Illinois -— With the recent release of romance/drama movie, The Adjustment Bureau, based upon short story The Adjustment Team written and published by Phillip K. Dick in the late sixties, many people are wondering exactly how Mr. Dick would feel about the blatant butchering of his life’s work in the form of Hollywood cinema.
After all, The Adjustment Bureau is hardly his first written work to be totally fucked with on the big screen. Other notable examples include Minority Report, Next, Screamers,to name a few. Thankfully for us, we were able to raise Philip K. Dick from the grave in the form of the Plasmate he described in his novel VALIS, so that we could hear his opinion.
After spending two days in a specially modified containment field designed to prevent him from fleeing in horror from the perversions he is credited with creating, his first words were: “AAAAA!" This continued for several minutes before we were able to gag him using a special device described in the book Ubik’’ written by Philip K. Dick in the late 1970’s.
After we were able to calm him down, I was allowed to ask Mr. Dick five questions before he was scheduled to return to the Sirius solar system 700 light years away, and after sitting down, I asked:
“So, Mr. Dick, how does it feel to be back on Earth?”
His Reply: “Fine, Did you fucking see ‘’Minority Report’’?, they put that asshole from ‘’Top Gun’’ in the starring role? Oh my God what a god-damn moron, the man who directed this film. This is an absolute TRAVESTY! AAAAA!”
Immediately after that, Mr. Dick transformed himself into a beam of information rich pink colored light, and blasted into another galaxy, before I could ask my remaining four questions. Were it that we could all do the same.
