UnNews:Gandhi statue coming to life in London
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
10 February 2012
London, ENGLAND - Thousands of Hindus and Hippies are gathering daily at the imposing statue of Indian freedom fighter Mohandas Gandhi in Tavistock Square, and hold the controversial belief that the statue is coming to life and will lead them in kicking the British out of England.
Hindu Party spokesman Singh Jekarti claimed that the statue was originally sitting in a cross-legged position, but is now standing up and pointing east. "The Great Soul is stirring," Jekarti said, "and when he is fully alive and talking truth to power, the British will quickly pack up their teacups and comfy chairs and cross the Indian Channel to France."
Denizens of local Indian restaurants and incense shops hope he's right. "Gandhiji lives," said aging Hippies Wildflower and Sunshine, "We saw him move his leg yesterday, and the day before, he smiled at us and we were so happy."
"That's right," said Gem.
Foremost in the minds of the ridiculous crowd occupying Tavistock Square is the squalor and overcrowding in India, and how its inhabitants need more land to expand their alien culture. Scholars, historians, and adherents of mysterious Eastern ways have long eyed the citizens of England as interlopers, literally johnny come lately nancy boys who have no idea of the Hindu/Hippie history of their great nation.
"The day is coming that Mohandas Gandhi will once again lead hunger strikes, political parties, marches to the sea, and make himself such a general nuisance that the Brits will just throw up their hands and leave Britain," Hindu historian and Gandhi fanboy Sigore Van Krishnamachari said. "We've tried to coexist with them, but the situation has become intolerable of late, and now they just have to go."
The crowds which gather at the mobile Gandhi statue differ on what parts of him move at any given time, but most agree that it is in constant motion. "If you tickle his feet you can hear a little metalic chuckle," says Wildflower. "And when you rub his belly or other parts for luck you can sense his ultimately intoxicating life force. I must admit it's a turn on for me, to know that Gandhiji is among us again and rarin' to take on the Brits in a fast-to-the-death 21st century showdown."
Although BBC News and the London tabloids haven't reported a word of the striking parapsychological phenomena, nor of its related Indian/hippie occupation of Tavistock Square, the "dreadful incident", as they call it, is attracting Tory/Royal attention. It has been rumored that that new Princess and her sister have been seen in the crowd, and Sarah, Duchess of York, now lives, of course, in a tent near the statue.
While government representatives were unavailable for comment, elite government exorcists have been covertly dispatched to the Square to try to get Gandhi to sit down again.
