UnNews:Fukushima 50 are green and very muscular

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

1 April 2011

A photo taken shortly before the alleged pigmentation change.

FUKUSHIMA, Japan, -- Members of Japan's "Fukishima 50," the 50 incredibly brave nuclear-plant workers risking their lives to prevent a nuclear meltdown, underwent a series of odd and disconcerting genetic mutations as a result of radiation exposure.

Up until a few days ago, many of the Fukishima 50 had confined themselves to a slow and painful death via radiation poisoning, but that may not be necessary. One of the Fukishima 50, who wishes to remain anonymous, had this to say: "Day before yesterday, we had a close call, one of the cooling rods was dropping in to the tank way too fast, and would have caused a meltdown. Thankfully I was there to throw my body under it to stop it. I expected it to crush me, 'cause cooling rods weigh like, 1000 kilo's. Strangly I was able to catch it instead, weird." Still another plant worker lost a finger by accidentally touching a fuel rod (which is like a cooling rod except really hot). But the finger grew back only seconds later. Many other similer mutations have occured, but the similarity between all the workers has yet to be explained.

All of the workers have gotten a strange, sickly, greenish pallor to their skin, and have gained an average of 30 kilos of muscle mass. There is not yet an explanation for these occurrences, which have never been observed in any Japanese comic books or movies. One of the workers was even speaking in the third person for a short period of time.

Sources

• Dominic D. Natale "Japan's Nuclear Rescuers: 'Totally Fine'" Fox News, 1/04/11