UnNews:Fat guy dies, explodes
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
9 February 2006
Earlier today, in what has been identified as possibly one of the most disturbing events of this current year, a man who was at the time, dining at a restaurant, decided to order "everything on the menu" a right that is exercised by many individuals in this country. However, this quickly turned sour when the man then began to expand rather rapidly, which has been explained by a number of scientists to probably be due to an adverse reaction with his stomach acid and the varied mixture of foodstuffs in his gut.
One of the waiters was available for comment;
"He was a regular here, we'd all known him for quite some time, but it was that fateful choice to eat the wafer mint that did it in my opinion".
Eye witnesses stated that they had seen the man vomiting on the back of a cleaner moments before the event happened. Casualties are however limited, with one man being treated for lung damage after inhaling some sick.
Wafer mint manufacturers have currently declined to comment, but have however cited that this was certainly an isolated incident and probably only due to him being extremely obese despite the fact that the restaurant has now decided to formally remove all mint and mint-substitute products from their menu and condiment list. A cleanup operation is currently in progress at the french restaurant, and an excess of somewhere in the region of several hundred kilograms of vomit and body fat are being cleaned from the floors, walls and ceilings of the restaurant. Some of the employees did in fact hint that it was perhaps better that he has indeed gone. Health experts have been somewhat quick to pounce on the incident, taking it as an opportunity to warn the population about the problem of obesity, however, fast food retailers such as McDonalds have struck this down as nonsense, stating that there is no link at all between being Fat and exploding, although most fast food chains recommend that you do eat in moderation, or you may find that you can't fit through the doors on the way out.
A funeral ceremony will be held later in the week followed by a complementary banquet all are free to eat attend.