UnNews:Fashion: Abercrombie out, Garbage In!
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
4 February 2007
NEW YORK CITY, New York -- Sanitation Engineer. Yes, the name of the glorified worker we all know as the neighborhood garbage dude. These glorious men and women serve our nation everyday with hardly any thanks. These are the men and women who keep our land clean and smelling nice without the litter of the world. They go by most days with no gratification, however, today marks a new era of the trash industry, the sanitation engineer logo hats.
These hats have recently become the most popular selling piece of clothing in the New York area. Mayor Bloomberg has said that he hopes that this will bring a new tourist attraction (the garbage dump) and also hopes to profit from the new apparel.
Lloyd Haymes, vice president of licensing for NYC Marketing, has also stated that he believes this will be a great new marketing campaign for the area. "There's a chance to make it this underground style brand, kind of like, 'You don't know how cool Sanitation is, but I do, That's popular right now -- it's just the right style at the right time."
Most people do agree that the garbage look is hip and in, and the total sales show it. One study shows that it has already sold over a trillion hats for ten dollars each, totaling at a whopping ten trillion dollars for the city. Another study shows that four out of every three teen males in the New York area are proud of their dirty old brown Sanitation Engineer ball cap.
The local celebraties are catching on as well, and sending the style to their LA friends. Keanu Reeves had this to say: "My friends, most people have asked me over the past month what this ridiculous looking brown hat is on my head. I am here to say it is the official NY Sanitation Engineer's hat. It is way in style, and I suggest it for all of your stylish needs."
Of course, as well as supporters, there are many non-supporters. Many politicians say that this is an outrage, and the middle class should not be glorified in this way. George W. Bush at his last press conference, was reported as saying, "My fellow Americans, this new style of the Sanitation Engineer hat has run away, and quickly. I first saw them on my visit to NY to see 'ole Bloomberg. It looked like a cute idea at the time, but now it is taking over the nation. I want to say now, DO NOT SUPPORT THE GUYS PICKING UP YOUR GARBAGE, THIS IS EASY WORK, DO NOT BE LIKE THEM!!! Support your troops, and the War on Terror by buying "Go Troops!" hats or even going to Iraq. Thank you, and good night."
Democratic Senator John Kerry countered the argument, saying "If you don't study in school, kids, you will end up a Sanitation Engineer. That is not a good thing, by the way, the hats really are not cool. Go support something cool, like the Democratic Party!"
If you would like to know where you can buy one of these most stylish hats, they are being sold at Target(R) stores nationwide! And soon to come are matching NYSE (New York Sanitation Engineer!) shirts and pants, complete with a brown banana peel on every shirt. Haynes ended his campaign on the hats with the very appropriate words: "We were high-fiving each other,To see someone out on the street, wearing this stuff, is so cool. To hell with Abercrombie! Go go garbage man! and this coffee is... is... cold?"
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Elrond McGee "Trashy clothing takes the world by storm" The Associated Press, January 08, 2007