UnNews:Famous athlete comes out of the closet
5 August 2026
Shanghai, China — The sports world was rocked yesterday when one of the greatest athletes of all time came out of the closet. He is the first badminton player to officially come out before retiring. "I'm proud of who I am and I'm strong enough to deal with whatever anyone will throw at me," said Chan Lee.
Chan had admitted what everyone in the badminton world already knew. He had been spotted going to strip clubs and was seen in the back of a limo with five supermodels. "My teammates even went with me to straight bars. They were really supportive." When asked if he had a girlfriend his cheeks blushed and he avoided the question.
Chan's news has made world headlines, and he is expected to appear on The Man Show tonight – along with Joe Rogan, Andrew Tate, and other athletes who stunned the world when they admitted they were straight. Chan is known as one of the most macho badminton players on the circuit. He has clocked a birdie faster than five kilometres per hour and is infamous for his ability to win matches in less than a minute.
Chan's teammates were asked whether they would be comfortable now in the shower; they all danced around the question. One did however agree to be quoted (on condition of anonymity):
"I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be in the shower with a guy who wasn't staring at my balls or massaging my back while I sud up. But ... I think we'll have to evolve and grow and get used to stinky testosterone mixing with our cucumber bubble wash."
Chan is expected to win gold at the World Badminton Championship in Gujarat, India, this weekend for the seventeenth consecutive year. He is already being courted by the likes of B‑list actresses and influences, but he'll be careful not to let all the attention go to his head:
"I'm still the same Chan. My badminton arm hasn't changed, even if I do spend 100% of my day thinking about vaginas."
President Xi Jinping of China made no comment on the story, which is considered very good news in China. (The less a President says about you the safer you are.) Meanwhile President Trump condemned the announcement, claiming that now is not the time for badminton athletes to mix sport with sexuality: "I don't care if a man wears a skirt, they shouldn't be using the wrong bathroom!" said Trump in his typical confused fashion. He then went on to claim that this stunt is just a distraction that takes people's eyes off the thrill of badminton and instead onto Chan's slightly formed smooth Chinese chest and well-formed pickled legs.
