UnNews:Facebook arrested for murder of Email

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

16 November 2010

The offender moments before being found guilty.

NEW YORK CITY -- Earlier today, Facebook was found guilty of murdering one of the Internet's first applications, email.

Though Facebook lawyer Mark Zuckerberg didn't go as far as declaring email's murder unimportant, he sees the 40-year-old technology as secondary to more seamless, faster ways of communicating such as text messages and chats.

In other words, Facebook murdered Email out of hate.

"We don't think a modern messaging system is going to be email anyway," Zuckerberg said at in court. "It's not email."

Although Email will be dearly missed, Facebook has declared that it will create a newer messaging system while serving time in jail.

The new platform, which will be rolled out to users in the coming months, integrates cell phone texts, chats, e-mail and the existing Facebook messages.

Facebook faces 10 years in jail, but not a life sentence, because Email was pretty shit anyway.

Sources

• Staff "It's not email, says Mark Zuckerberg, as Facebook rolls out its 'not Gmail killer'" news.com.au, November 16, 2010