UnNews:England cricket team set to die in plane crash

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

5 January 2014

Henry Blofeld. Nice to put a name to a face.

The English cricket team, having suffered its worst defeat to Australia ever in almost four years, losing every game of a five match series, is now set to die aboard a plane.

Legendary BBC commentator Henry Blofeld told UnNews in an interview at Sydney airport, "It's been a perfectly dreadful series from start to finish for our boys, I'm afraid. It's really rather had a spot of everything - there have been players going home with depression, players retiring, match-winning players in horrendous form, a former Captain Marvel with a scrambled brain. One really wonders what might happen next. It frankly boggles the mind."

Then Blofeld, turning around towards the departure gate, appeared to undergo some kind of epiphany. "DON'T. GET. ON. THAT. PLANE!!" he cried in his lovely velvety tones.

But it was too late. England´s demoralised cricketers had already boarded the aircraft to fly home to London. Only time will tell if their ignominous tour will end in a fiery death, but the mere possibility of such a fate was enough to make former captain Michael Vaughan opine, "If they go down in this plane, if they die wearing England whites, then this truly will have been the worst Ashes performance in history."

Sources

• Leverage, "England lose Ashes 5-0" BBC, January 05, 2013