UnNews:Donald J. Trump is our new lord and savior
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
NEW YORK, NEW YORK - This just in, Donald J. Trump, the one who will #MakeAmericaGreatAgain has just been elected our lord and savior by the people of the blessed United States of America. It was a difficult season with him having to deal with Witchdoctor Hillary Clinton and her sabotage efforts but he managed to destroy her once and for all, melting her into a pool of goo and becoming the holy savior everybody needed.
There has been turmoil early on... Fabricated videotapes of him wanting to have sexual relations with woman (which in this reporters opinion have been fabricated by the same people who did the R. Kelly tapes), tweets left by hackers which seems to contradict his holy message and of course, Witchdoctor Hillary sending her goons to mess up his rallies but despite all that, he has prevailed.
He has left a speech which will go down in history as one of the greatest speeches of all time. UnNews has transcribed the speech and is available below for reading.
| “ | People of America... You said that I would lose in tremendous fashion, you said that I would make myself into a disgrace; well you were... WRONG!!! For I am here and I have been elected your lord and savior.
I have made a lot of promises over the course of my career; and I intend to keep all of them. Just imagine, a world without rapists or illegal immigrants and an omnipresent force to protect us all; this is what I have been elected to do, to make sure that America is restored to it's former glory! I shall make sure that money falls from the sky and that the only color that I see is white. I shall make sure our wall is built with giant lasers and advanced technology and I will make sure that everybody has a job... At my hotel slash casino on the border of our blessed United States! and Mexico... I have never went into bankruptcy and I shall ensure that these glorious states will never have to file for bankruptcy ever again! I am Donald J. Trump, and I am America's savior! May the lord bless these united and holy states! |
” |
Donald J. Trump then disappeared into a thick smoke of air and magically appeared in the clouds above, ready to #MakeAmericaGreatAgain... Come January 2017 of course...
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Matt Flegenheimer "Donald Trump Elected President" New York Times, November 9, 2016