UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit | edit source]

  1. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  2. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  3. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  4. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  5. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  6. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  7. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  8. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  9. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  10. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  11. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  12. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  13. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  14. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  15. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  16. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  17. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  18. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  19. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  20. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  21. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  22. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  23. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  24. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  25. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  26. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  27. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  28. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  29. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  30. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  31. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  32. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  33. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  34. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  35. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  36. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  37. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  38. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  39. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  40. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  41. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate suitably
  42. To litigate a soundboard, is to litigate {{adv})
  43. Jim Carrey is a real peach.

Sources[edit | edit source]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit | edit source]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.