UnNews:Dead Sea Scrolls reveal advice

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17 May 2006

“How can you get useful information from a DEAD Sea Scroll?”

~ Alfred E. Neuman on The Scriptures

ISRAEL -- Last week, in a surpising announcement, the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls revealed that it had translated an entire section, using altavista's "babel-fish" function.

That section, now called the "Lost Proverbs", has been released to the press for inspection. The team of translators is still confused as to why these proverbs were hidden. Also, there are no indicators who the advice is for.

One translator said, "yeah, we sat around with it for months, and we couldn't figure out who was giving advice to whom. So we said screw it, lets publish what we have..."

UnNews has been given the initial exclusive to the new list of proverbs. As a note of caution, the translation team warns that each individual might interpret the list differently. Here are the 43 Lost Proverbs, use them wisely:


The 43 Lost Proverbs[edit | edit source]

  1. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  2. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  3. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  4. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  5. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  6. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  7. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  8. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  9. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  10. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  11. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  12. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  13. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  14. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  15. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  16. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  17. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  18. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  19. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  20. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  21. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  22. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  23. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  24. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  25. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  26. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  27. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  28. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  29. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  30. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  31. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  32. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  33. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  34. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  35. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  36. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  37. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  38. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  39. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  40. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  41. To program a chromosome, is to program mysteriously
  42. To program a chromosome, is to program {{adv})
  43. Oscar Wilde is a real peach.

Sources[edit | edit source]

  • the International Commission to Translate the Dead Sea Scrolls

Notes[edit | edit source]

We're still trying to find the segment that contains the instructions on how to build giant angst-powered mechs.

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