UnNews:Dave & Busters need to invest in military forces
This column is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-eyeblink misinformation. And by "misinformation", we mean "the truth."
21 May 2013
Dave & Busters: It's a lively place with tons of games, but did you know that each of its own locations constitute a country? Yes, it appears that with every location it appears to be a different world, where money is exchanged for points, vibey casual food is served alongside a frenetic atmosphere, and it has its own economy. I don't know how they can sustain themselves when the money invested goes soley to games. However, I do know this: the economy of Dave & Busters is doomed.
I don't know how the flying fuck they manage to keep themselves out of a recession. I mean, they don't invest their money into anything else, and surely the games they're playing must cost them a load of money. Yet somehow they do despite the fact that they forgo investing money in government, military, and infrastructure. Surely these people are aware that they're investing into nothing, right? These games only last for as long as they allow you to play and the tickets you receive in return. This is merely an attempt to satisfy your investment by offering you a wide selection of prizes, much of which I've seen end up at Goodwill because they have zero value.
I'm surprised they haven't been taken over by Al Qaeda. I mean, think about it. They're an easy target because they have no form of defense against those Arabs who can fly planes, send in troops, even send in the tanks. Dave & Busters would be powerless to do so. I fear that if Dave & Busters is taken over then they could convert them into terrorist training centers. One where the innocent and young can be brainwashed into believing that America is a dirty devil country via the video games that they provide.
This anchor is not going to stand by and let Dave & Busters become Arab-controlled facilities of American hatred. I suggest that Dave & Busters needs to invest in a military force, one which is fun and easy going. That way they can prevent their locations from falling into the hands of these dirty Arabs, while at the same time promoting that fun atmosphere they're well known for. The people will be satisfied that their money will be going to a good cause and their economy can be stable for the remainder of time. Additionally, they should let the people inside control the army. People enter Dave & Buster's for a reason: to have a good time. Allowing the costumers to control important stuff, such as tanks and helicopters, will save them money. (In which everything will lie in "realistic graphics".)
I also think that Dave & Busters should join the United Nations, to collaborate with other countries and make connections that will further their economy. I don't care what excuse they make, be it "they're just a casual restaurant that also offers games." They've been holding out too long, damnit! They should suffer through the daily arguments, the convoluted plans in order to help each other out, the peace missions that occur when another country goes rogue. Joining the United Nations would do nothing but benefit Dave & Busters. It will ensure that their economy is stable in the long run, it will help prove itself as a country, and it will be a shining example for all countries to follow.
Additionally, Dave & Busters needs to cook the beef a little more and make sure that the pool tables aren't occupied when I come in. I don't invest good money into Dave & Busters to see it go to waste.