UnNews:Clinical depression at an all-time low!

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Clinical depression at an all-time low!

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A study by the University of Illinois has shown that clinical depression and other depressive disorders are at an all-time low. After conducting surveys and reviewing questionnaires of people diagnosed with depression, researchers can confirm that the vast majority of depressed people are at their absolute low, the utter nadir of their wretched lives.

Feelings of hopelessness and suicidal ideation are expected to be at their most intense. Confusion and derision by apathetic stepfathers should also rise in tandem. Faked smiles and jokes that worry many of your friends and family are actually expected to go down, as many depressives now lack the energy to even fake the facade of mental well-being.

Researchers have no current clues as to why depressive disorders are at their worst, although industry leaders are expressing concern at the loss of work-hours and revenue.