UnNews:Canada holds Parliament open doors day for Halloween
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
23 October 2014
OTTAWA, Canada -- As threats of terrorism continue to rise worldwide, the government of the Banana Republic of Canada decided to conduct a Halloween special, letting folks from all over the land get in the most important and most corrupted building in the nation, the Parliament. Security was tight though, as the mongrel officials didn't want to have the inconvenience of a terrorist attack on their hands. Prior to the event, Canada's Prime Canister, the very Honorable Stephen Harpoon had this to say through his Ninja Turtle mask:
"It is a day to celebrate Canada's cultural differences and unwind around a heap of cocaine, while funny people roam around the REDRUM where we normally debate. I don't see any reason why it would become a bloodbath, not even our threat to help our good American friends invade Syria. Let the good times begin!"
Peasants came in abundance and with great costumes: one was a flamethrower with 2 gallons of gasoline on him, another one was a machete juggler who avoided catastrophe by a thread as one of his blade hit a roof chandelier. It was all fun and game until someone disguised as a rifle-wielding terrorist started shooting in the pack, much like a real rifle-wielding terrorist would do. Surprise ensued, while the Canister bluntly stated after his lucky escape: "Not even in our wildest nightmares could we have predicted this shit!"
The bodies were still fresh as we went to press.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- John Ivison, Justin Ling, Josh Visser, Jake Edmiston "Masked gunman killed after Canadian soldier, Cpl. Nathan Cirillo, fatally shot at National War Memorial" ', 22 October, 2014