UnNews:CDC announces wonderful plan to prove vaccines cause autism

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Sunday, March 9, 2025

Christian man following his faith as much as humanly possible; generating more than this much faith from one human is not possible
The Truth-Seeking One Be'eth In Almighty Support Of The CDC's New Endeavor!!

All not fear, for the savior of true knowledge is here. Donald "Führer" Trump has made an agreement with Susan Monarez, the CDC's director. In exchange for the permanent suspension of Trump's unsolicited "Donny Dick Pic" direct messages, Susan Monarez has gone ahead and announced a plan to reveal the link between The Vaccine and Autism. For real this time!

For a little bit of history, The Vaccine has always been in direct opposition to The Christian. Big Vaccine has infiltrated every part of our lives. Even if you yourself are enlightened and have your blood pure and untouched by the devil's semen, the toxins that exode from The Vaccinators have undoubtedly corrupted your mind. I personally have failed many history tests because of the Vax in the Air. I assure you that is the only reason i failed and i am very extremely smart otherwise. The so-called "Teacher" (more like Brainwasher) kept saying something about Critical Source Interpretation and The Old Earth like I was another antitheist. I dropped out of school at 17 years old after my uncle took me to the woods and showed me The Holy Bible, where truth can be understood and understanding is truth. From there would I learn the ways of the True American, The Unpoisoned American. The Unpoisoned American does not abide by Big Woke "Medicinal Guidelines", for the Lord of long ago tells me, all who Know, One is not of the Pure Soul, be that One who Vaccinates Be He; To vaccinate and be Vaccinator, be the American the Poisonous, behind the next Forty do the ashes of the next century of Truth and Looks without the Pointing Hand From Outside; the American man of truth be not one of the Soul be he inclined to believe the Big Scare.

Alas, it is without optimism I must tell you the days of living as though thy neigbhour be alike you in nature are far gone. The slim fraction of Truth Enlightened Ones such as you and I, not infecting our blood with the Chaos Semen, our voice gets quieter as more of the Evil is released with the Vaccinismists and their Death Shot for our children. To shield your children from the Death Shot of Developmental Chaos and Disorderly Hectic Chaos in the Soul and Mind, tell them as Man to Man be'eth the Vaccinism the lore of the Death by the most painful manners. Inject the Death Shot and the Target of the Anti-American Shadow Government smiles with glee; in Twenty Two Hours Of Contact From It, as explained through the Vision Omniscent, be the Recipient exploded in 213,394 Unholy Bits of Human, scattered across the field of Light before being reconstructed as the False Human; the Zombie of the Anti-American; Their soul, now being a Vessel of Untruth, must be shielded from your children. Remove your children from the Anti-Truth Vessels, Protect their Protectables, and the American Family of You, Truly, will be Saved.

God Bless the America Of Truth, protect thereby not being Forecoming, America Of Past, Of No Longer.

Sources[edit | edit source]

Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=UnNews:CDC_announces_wonderful_plan_to_prove_vaccines_cause_autism&oldid=6383760"