UnNews:British to relaunch HMS Victory
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
19 October 2010
LONDON, United Kingdom -- Great Britain is to re-launch Lord Nelson's former flagship, HMS Victory, as the latest defence cuts have reduced the Royal Navy to one ship.
With the anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar on 21 October, the British Government has said that the Royal Navy will refloat Victory to fill the gap until new ships are built to protect the country.
Prime Minister David Cameron said that he had reluctantly decided to reduce the navy to one ship and instead divert resources to fight the war against the Taliban in Afghanistan. He said this was a tough decision but was sure the "old naval drunks" would understand this.
I know this is a great insult to the memory of Nelson, but in times past, Britain laid up ships and paid off crews in hard times. So I am sure all the sacked sailors will be able to find other sources of work or go out and become pirates like their forefathers, Sir Francis Drake or Blackbeard, for example. Anyway, I am sorry, chaps, you'll have to make do with the Victory.
Nelson's ship is currently in dry dock in Portsmouth, but still flies the flag, as she has never been officially decommissioned. Experts say she is still a fighting ship and will be able to destroy any opponent--as long as they don't cheat and send a modern ship up against her.
She still scares the French, said one tourist guide at the dock so I am sure terrorists will be overawed and not attack Britain in the meantime. She could even blast the Icelanders if they start a war about fish again. Nelson expects...etc...and so do we...we just don't know what.
Sources[edit | edit source]
- Staff "British naval cuts." BBC, October 19, 2010
- Staff "David Cameron defends cuts" Daily Telegraph, October 19, 2010