UnNews:Bizarre craze for 'match' apps
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
18 April 2014
More and more young people around the world are resorting to "match apps" - phone applications which use intelligent logarithms to find matches in their area.
"Time was, if I wanted to get hot, I'd just go out and pick something up," says slut sociologist Joanna Corey, "like a cigarette lighter or a taper. Now I'm one of the few members of my social group not to have a match app on my phone."
Experts say that in our money-rich, time-poor society, young people are draw to the applications primarily for their simplicity, but also due to the strangely fascinating allure of fire.
"I found a match in my area the other day," said Dan Trueman, who asked to remain anonymous. "We just clicked straight away, there was just this like spark.
"That kind of thing doesn't happen in everyday life. I was just slogging through it, day after day. I felt burnt out."
Despite the apps' popularity, some social commentators have criticised the craze, questioning their efficacy. "This so-called technology does nothing that a simple telephone call doesn't," says Corey. "You call your supermarket, ask them if they have the goods, and that's that: you have your match. These people act like they never had a successful encounter with a checkout girl or a bag boy before, for God's sake."
And of course, there have been isolated cases of a more serious nature. Trevor Guthridge, from Stoke on Trent, became increasingly withdrawn in 2013, and his family say he spent more and more time using match apps before his home mysteriously burned down. On the other side of the world, in Australia, Shane Bruce, founder of Match Mate, one of the most popular apps down under, is missing presumed dead after a forest fire broke out near his country home.